where I come from you have to embrace the darkness to stay sane; welcome him into your life, invite him for small-scale dinner parties, discreetly flirt with him over nibbles, introduce him to your friends on nights out in the numbing cold even though nobody really likes him or his weird jokes. if you reject him you will spend the whole winter feeling empty and depressed and your life becomes unbearably meaningless, like an endless marathon of Friends.
but I hate him all the same… the slow and sneaky transition from light to hours of dark void, the sun that becomes fat and heavy on the horizon like an overweight Elvis unable to get an erection, pathetic street lights along deserted roads.
so this winter I prepare for the worst, stocking up on wine and sweets and 80s films that glorify capitalism. although I found a dead mouse under my bed the other day after spending 24 hours just above it fighting some horrible fever, I refuse to succumb to tragedy.
take me away to kiruna, baby, I can handle it.